Diseased.

Had my checkup;

Not a thing out of place.

Blood pressure normal,

Heart perfectly at its pace.

Eyesight okay,

No psychotic record.

But when I see You

Heart skips a beat.

Everything dissolves in a blur,

Rainbows Swirl,

And the flowers,

They pop out of nowhere …

You walk towards me,

My symptoms;

Fireworks all around I see,

Jagged breath irregular,

Thudding heart I barely muffle.

And the spotlight moves with you it seems.

You walk past me,

And take my breath away.

World still blurred;

Hands numb,

All I hear is my quivering heart.

Something wrong with my stomach too;

Feels like wings flapping in there..

Still can’t figure out why-

Normal Medical Reports !

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Your Heart.

Dejected, Defeated;

I turn and look into your eyes,

To claim what’s not mine.

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Perfectly Flawed.

As Your lips curve up into that dazzling smile,

I helplessly fail to silence,

My fluttering Heart.

As Your unfathomable eyes talk so audibly,

I shrink inwardly to hide,

My bruised Soul. 

I put up a False Bravado,

My quivering breath,

Betrays me so badly. 

You Talk and Walk and Be Yourself,

I Hide and Shrink and fake Smiles.

As You drag Me into the Light,

I try to melt in the Shadows.

For You,

You are so Flawlessly Perfect,

And Me?

Perfectly Flawed. 

 

 

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Into The Dark

Life turns out to be very different than the way we plan it. It never follows the complicated plans we make .. Yes, we devise very very complicated tracks towards our desired star but Life always leads us to such treacherous routes full of swamps and prickly pointy things and thorns disguised as flowers and wicked monsters with agonizing fangs and blood thirsty eyes under the hot scorching sun – a sun that shines to melt your hopes and dazzles your vision and blocks out all your dreams .. Clouds might be soothing occasionally – for a second or two – in this eternal  struggle. Otherwise when they come up they grumble and growl so loudly that it rips your heart out. They rain so heavily that it breaks your bones, your expectations, your strength .. A few trees are there too amidst the spines and thorns to provide you some soothing shade and comfort but you cant take them with you right? And you walk and walk and walk tirelessly . At nights you plan your journey so ingeniously that you even start imagining to defeat life itself ! The sun then awakens you to present a  new even more challenging quest set so cunningly that you forget all your strategies .. And then one day,  when you at last start to understand the wickedness of Life and learn to cross all the twists and turns, when you think that you are about to win, Life pushes you in this deep dark valley which has no way out  leaving your journey incomplete, defeating you forever.

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Slip Of Tongue

Average length of human tongue is 10 centimeters. Average weight is 65 grams. No bones just teeny tiny veins and arteries and muscles. And lo What wonders this little thing can do ! Its a route to the outside from your brain and it leaks EVERYTHING man. You need to exercise such a control over it or it simply ruins everything. Oh I feel so dejected. I have the least control over this devilish little thing. And now I’m in trouble. Oh God please help !!

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Mama !

Oh mama I never knew im gonna miss you this much .. the rhythm of my every single heart beat is distorted. my every breath jagged, my every sentence incomplete. Its like I’ve left a huge part of me back with you. Its like a gaping bleeding wound; a deep painful one. It throbs and hurts vey badly .. I had promised myself that I wont break – i’d never cry but mummy it got out of my control today .. you know what is the real problem with me? I can never speak up my feelings.. I wish I could ever tell you what you mean to me. I wish I could show you your worth in my life. I wish I could show you the way my heart flutters when I remember you. I wish I could show you the way my heart bleeds when I see you in pain. I wish I could tell you what you really mean to me .. oh mama you know I am never good with the words but I wish I could somehow show you the way my heart aches when I miss you .. 
You were always there for me – in every storm of my life. You were the one who taught to stand up after I fell. You were the one who put me back together whenever I broke. My strongest support, my bestest best friend, my life long companion – there’s no word for our relation mummy. every child must feel that way about his/her mother but mama our relation is something much much more than that. How am I ever to explain that?

I promise you one thing though- i’ll never ever ever let you down. I’m going to spend every second to make you proud of me. I want to be your pride mummy the way you are mine. I want to give you every thing on the face of this earth that is happy and warm. I wish I could somehow give you every little joy of this world..

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and life takes a new turn

oh yes life of mine took a new turn. what am I to say? its beautiful ! All the new experiences and new people, new friends new teachers. Im loving it. I felt guilty for neglecting my blog because this place has been my real best friend keeping my secrets safe in its vast chest. You know what is the real problem with human friends? you just cant confide them with your feelings. not that they do not keep your secrets safe but they THINK differently. they never really understand your pain. They just try to get it.  At least that’s what I’ve experienced. So I write and write. Im not a good writer neither a poet but I write to lighten my heart. And a very few people- almost none- get the real meaning out of my words. Ah well that’s so like me. straying away form the topic :p so where was I ? oh yes. new place. Well I got admission in Quaid e Azam university for bachelors in chemistry so good luck to me !

 This place is my love since I was a child. I don’t know. This old place Its almost like a forest. with its overgrown grass and huge towering trees and old old buildings and the silent rustling wind .. Its magical. Its old walls they look like as though they’ve been hiding thousand of secrets for centuries. And the bowing trees are like the old witches spell bounding everyone in sight ..  and the dark mountains ahead an inky outline on the twinkling blue sky.. its charming. And I don’t feel like leaving this place ever again !

 

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